You don't really know and understand a mother's love until you yourself become a mother. Sometimes I feel sorry for men, because they will never fully understand this love. Not that a father's love isn't authentic or anything, it's just that the love bond between mother and child is outrageous, something I could only dream about until I can now experience, thank you Lord! Everyday is a wonder. I am so thankful everyday to have my little boy. I have always wanted a large family and I know Levi will be a great big brother, it's just hard for me right now to picture what it will be like to extend my love to other children. Again, this is something I think you can only understand through experience. I am ready to have more children, but I'm not ready for it to not be just "levi and me" anymore! When I think of that, I realize how awesome it will be to hold my little newborn while watching Levi play and learn new things. That's the happy thought, the scary thought goes like this; I realize how crazy it will be to hold my screaming newborn while chasing Levi playing and grabbing new things!
A dear friend pointed out to me today that I received the "mother" gene. I revealed to her my dream of having lots of children. We joked about what she would think when I'm pregnant with my fourth - lol - little did she know I dream of having 5! However, with that being said, I MUST say that we are taking it ONE child at a time! Please don't hold me to 5!! It's just a dream!
I can remember knowing my whole life that I wanted to be a mom. There was never a moment in my life that I did not want to be a mom. I don't think that thought ever crossed my mind. Sure I got scared of the idea when I heard other people's kids screaming, throwing tantrums, and crying. I also dreaded the thought of me gaining weight that I couldn't lose and being "tied down" with kids all the time! I guess I'm glad that I waited until I was a little bit older to have children, but no matter what the "down-side" is to having kids, I know it will all be worth it. And in my opinion you don't even have to wait to the "end" to find that to be true. I see it in Levi's eyes every time I go to pick him up.
My first Mother's Day was really just like any other day. It was sweet that many people wished me a happy day and I received very sweet cards. It's just that it felt so normal to me to be a mom. The moment I became a mother on November 29th, it's like I was finally connected to something my heart had longed for since I could remember. Because of my relationship with God, I have not felt for a long time that I had something "missing" in life, but I have always felt this motherly energy inside of me that needed to go out of me somewhere (Scott can vouch for this! He's been a target of this energy for a long time!). The moment I became a mother, that energy was immediately synchronized. I could feel its movement, it's powerful energy. It felt very awesome, very real, and very lovely. I made sure to thank God more often on Mother's day and may have had a more heartfelt thank you, but all in all, it was just like any other day. It felt right. It felt normal. I love just about every moment of being a mom and I can't wait to be a mom forever.
